


What's Left of Us

by ATOASTBW



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Spoilers, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Reunion Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-28
Packaged: 2019-05-17 19:14:47
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14837567
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ATOASTBW/pseuds/ATOASTBW
Summary: Half the universe has disappeared, but Tony and Steve are still here.They're hurt and damaged and broken, but they're still here.Left to pick up the pieces of what remains of Earth, of their lives, and of their relationship.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Infinity War was released more than a month ago, but I'm still in pain over what happened, so I thought, why not put myself (and others) in more pain by writing this fic? And I know there have been plenty of fics about this, but this is how I imagined their reunion would go down. (Also because I'm still salty we didn't get to see their reunion in the movie...)
> 
> Hope you enjoy! Will update ASAP!
> 
> Un-beta'd so all mistakes are my own!

Numb.

That is all Tony feels. Numbness.

Numb towards the gaping hole in his stomach where Thanos stabbed him.

Numb when he finds out that Quill’s spaceship somehow managed to survive all the destruction on Titan.

Numb towards the dust that still covers his hands, no matter how hard he tries to scrub it off.

Numb. 

He barely hears Nebula when she asks him for their next destination. It’s only after the third call that Tony, still looking at his hands, replies, “Earth.”

Nebula answers with silence, putting in the coordinates and piloting the ship. Tony’s grateful for it as he sits and closes his eyes, trying to hold back the inevitable panic attack. Besides the humming of the ship’s engine, the cabin is absolutely quiet, nothing but the weight of what just happened filling the air.

Thanos had done it. Gathered all six stones. Snapped his fingers. Now half the universe is gone. And Tony’s still here. Of course he is. Fate has never been kind to him. Fate would rather let him suffer in life than in death.

He wonders about who’s gone and who’s left. The only death he is certain of is Vision. That’s the only way Thanos could have gotten the mind stone. But Tony knows it wouldn’t have been without effort. Knowing Bruce, he would have contacted Steve. And knowing Steve, he would have done everything in his power to protect Vision.

Steve. _Oh, God_. Is he dead too?

He feels his pulse speed up, the onset of an attack. The Avengers could be gone. And Tony’s greatest fear will have come true. That all of them are dead. All of them except him, left to live among the dead and ruin.

Too caught up in his thoughts, he doesn’t even realize that the ship has been in hyper speed until Nebula speaks up. “Ten minutes to Earth.”

Controlling his breathing, Tony gets up and makes his way to the windows, watching as the blue and green planet takes over the view. It looks so peaceful from far away. Not as if half the population had just disappeared.

As the ship enters the atmosphere, a familiar voice fills Tony’s ear. “Sir? Sir can you hear me?”

A wave of relief washes over Tony. FRIDAY. The only one that he was sure didn’t disappear. If anything, it’s a source of cold comfort. It takes everything in him to not cry.

“Yes, FRIDAY, I hear you.” If the AI was any more sentient, Tony is sure that she would have sighed in relief as well. He only has one question to ask, but he can barely form the words. “Is anyone… ”

She knows immediately. “Mr Hogan and Miss Potts are gone, sir.” A pause, then, “I am so sorry.”

Tony feels his heart literally ache. Happy. Pepper. Gone. He can imagine them waiting, desperately waiting for his return, only to turn into dust. He can almost feel it adding on to what was already on his hands.

Trying his best to hold it together, he asks, “Who’s still here?”

FRIDAY starts listing names, Tony relieved at how many have survived but also devastated at how many are lost. Then she finally reaches the names of the Avengers. “Agent Barton. Doctor Banner. Thor. Colonel Rhodes. Agent Romanoff.”

Tony closes his eyes, hoping that that isn’t the end of the list.

“And Captain Rogers.” Tony releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding. “They are in Wakanda, Sir. They were protecting the stone.”

Tony turns to Nebula, and for the first time since they met, they make eye contact. No words are needed.

New coordinates: Wakanda.

 

***

 

“Oh God.” 

Steve had said those words hours ago, but he’s still no closer to finding the words to describe the immense tragedy of what just happened. Bucky. Sam. Wanda. Countless others. All gone and turned to dust at a snap. All that fighting and bloodshed for nothing. 

Wakanda is in chaos. The fields are littered with the dead and injured, covered with the fine dust of those that disappeared. Those that remained can only help, bringing the injured to whatever medical aid is left in the country.

With T’Challa gone, Steve watches as Okoye takes over, the general leading and taking charge. He sees the pain behind her leadership, her grief at having her king turn to dust before her very eyes. She is stronger than he could ever hope to be.

As they move people into the palace, her bracelet lights up. At the press of a button, a voice comes through. “General, an unidentified aircraft has just entered Wakandan airspace.”

A hologram of it appears, and before anyone can say anything, Rocket (Steve learned his name after he was finally tired of Thor calling him Rabbit), jumps in from out of nowhere. “I’d recognize that piece of junk anywhere! That’s Quill’s ship! Let them in!”

Okoye hesitates for a second, but ultimately replies to the call in Wakandan. She then turns to them. “Follow me.”

Steve and the others follows, no mood to even question who the hell this Quill is and why he has a spaceship. Steve walks to the airstrip, trying not to think about the dust that covers him, that covers everyone. Even Bruce, who had become uncharacteristically chatty after two years, is silent as they wait for the spaceship to land.

When it finally comes into view, Steve has no clue what kind of craft he is looking at. It isn't something of Earth, that he is sure of. It lands, the hatch opens and the stairs descend. The remaining Dora Milaje stand at attention, preparing for the worst. And Steve doesn’t know what to expect, but it sure isn’t the blue humanoid that walks out and towards them. He doesn’t want to stare, but he can’t help it. He has no idea who, or what, she is.

“Nebula!” There’s movement in the group. Rocket pushes through, runs towards her. “What the hell happened? Where’s the others?”

“He killed Gamora to get the Soul stone,” she says, voice unwavering. “We tried to stop him, but... Quill, Drax, Mantis. They’re dead.”

“No.” He shakes his head. “You’re lying.” But Steve hears it in his voice. He already knows it’s the truth.

“Why would I lie, raccoon?” The scowl on her face weakens into one of sadness. “They’re gone. All of them.”

Rocket drops to his knees then, sobbing into his paws. Steve doesn’t have to ask. Along with Groot, he just lost his family. He’s all alone.

As the medics rush to Nebula and all the focus is on them, from the corner of his eye, Steve notices movement from the ship. A small, hunched figure walks down the stairs. Steve is just about to activate his shields when he sees a small source of light shining from the figure’s chest.

That alone is enough to send Steve running down the airstrip.

As Steve gets closer, things become clearer. The head of thick brown hair. The distinct facial hair. Bits of red and yellow armour. All of which can only belong to one Tony Stark.

Steve sees the moment when Tony notices him. He stops, a few steps away from the older man.

Steve’s heart breaks as he finally takes a good look.

Two years, and Tony looks as if it were decades. White has now grown at the temples of his thick hair. New wrinkles have formed along his forehead and at the corner of his eyes. Steve notices that the armour is in pieces because it’s broken, and even the inner track suit is torn and tattered. Blood is everywhere, dried flecks in his hair, a stain where it had previously dribbled out his mouth.

Steve looks back up to Tony’s face and sees a pained smile, matched by the same pain in his eyes. It’s then that Tony says, voice soft and broken, “Hi.”

And Steve smiles back, the same smile on his own face.

As if on cue, they step towards each other. Tony collapses into Steve’s embrace, head burying into the blond’s chest. Steve’s arms wrap around him instinctively, pulling him in close.

Steve feels Tony’s warmth. He’s not dead. He’s not dust. He’s in his arms, breathing and alive.

Tony shakes beside him, exhausted and overwhelmed by whatever hell he has been through.

Tony’s in pain, physically and emotionally, but he’s alive, and for now, that is enough for Steve.

He feels tears roll down his cheeks. He holds him even tighter.

 _He’s alive_ , Steve thinks.

“You’re alive,” he says, barely a whisper.

And for now, that’s all that matters.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's where the E rating kicks in, because who doesn't love some reunion sex? 
> 
> So for me, I always imagined that Pepper and Tony have always remained friends, and that Steve and Tony got together after the first Avengers movie but broke up after Civil War (obviously). That's all the backstory you need to know!
> 
> I've written this fic in a completely different style from my usual writing so please let me know what you think! All reviews will be greatly loved and appreciated!
> 
> Un-beta'd so all mistakes are my own!

The numbness is back. Or maybe it never really left.

Maybe the relief and joy he felt when he saw Steve, when he was in Steve’s arms, was just a reprieve. 

Everything after that was a blur. Being welcomed back and hugged by everyone else. Carted off to the medical wing. He didn’t even have the energy to be amazed by Wakandan technology, how his wounds were seamlessly stitched up and made to look as good as new.

And for some reason, once he was done, they brought him to this meeting, where they’re discussing plans on what to do now, on how to get the others back.

They’re talking but he hears none of it. _Maybe I’m going deaf too_ , he thinks.

He rubs his left arm, feels the numbness seeping back into his body, into his muscles, into his very bones.

He thinks that sooner or later, he’s going to have a heart attack. That it will be what finally kills him.

No, he thinks, Fate would never be that nice to him.

After telling his part of the story, of what went down in Titan, he found a seat right at the very corner of the room and he’s been there ever since. From this corner, he watches as everything carries out. Shouting, arguing, pleading. Everyone’s tired, bloody and beaten, but nobody’s willing to rest.

It’s from this spot in the room that he truly sees how few of them are left.

He saw Rhodey and Bruce less than a day ago, but so much has happened that he can’t really blame them for how bruised and battered they are. Both men are covered in dirt and dust, Rhodey trying to make sense of everything, Bruce rubbing the bridge of his nose as he tries to find an explanation.

Next to Bruce is Natasha, arms folded on the table as she listens. It’s not even her new blonde hair that surprises him; it’s the fact that for first time, she looks defeated. In all the time that he’s known her, she has always been confident, unapologetically badass. To see her like this… it scares him.

Thor is standing at the other end of the room, waving his axe around as he argues a point. It’s been even longer since he last saw Thor, and if it isn’t for his size and height, he would be unrecognizable with his shorter hair. He has a scar across his right eye, now a different colour from the blue of the other. It’s not just the appearance, but he can see that the god has suffered a great deal more than most in the room.

Then there is Steve. If he’s honest, he only looked at the others to avoid staring at the man. Steve’s at the head of the table, completely exhausted but staying awake to see this through.

Two years and he’s changed so much. Two years and he’s still the boss.

Maybe it’s the lighting, the way the setting sun casts everything in a golden hue. Maybe it’s the fact that they haven’t seen each other in two years and he’s missed him every single day. Maybe it’s the beard. He doesn’t know why, but he has never felt more attracted to Steve.

Perhaps it’s an inappropriate thing to think about at this moment, considering how the others are discussing ways to bring back the dead, but when he looks at Steve, he feels…

He _feels_.

He thought that when he first saw Steve, the feelings from two years ago would come back. Resentment, betrayal, heartbreak. But none of them did. Instead, when he stepped onto the airstrip and saw Steve running towards him, he felt nothing but relief. Then Steve was holding him, and for the first time since all this started, he felt safe. Warm. As if the world around him hadn’t gone to hell and he hadn’t just lost who knows how many people that he cared about.

He looks at Steve. Hair, now longer than he remembers, in an absolute mess. A split lip, blood clotting into a single line. The Captain America suit, now dull and dirtied, torn in several places, sleeves rolled up to the forearms.

He looks at this new Steve, and he feels things that he hasn’t felt for a very long time.

The blond must notice, because he looks up, and they make eye contact.

He can’t read Steve’s expression, but when those blue eyes stare at him, he feels those things again, only stronger.

A flash of heat travels through his body.

He’s no longer numb.

 

***

 

Steve steps out the bathroom, grateful for the long shower after what can only be described as the worst day ever. The meeting went nowhere, with nobody having any clue where to even begin or if the others can even be brought back again. Before that, he fought hundreds of aliens and even Thanos himself. Right now, he just wants to sleep.

As he enters the bedroom, he hears a knock on the door. He doesn’t know who else would be up at this late hour, so he opens the door, only to find Tony standing on the other side of it.

“Tony?” Steve asks, instantly concerned. “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong. I just…” He trails off, eyes never looking up.

Steve waits, giving Tony the time and space to find the words he needs. It’s been a long day for both of them, he doesn’t blame him for the inability to find the right things to say.

But the rest of the sentence doesn’t come. Instead, Tony’s hands reach up to grab the front of Steve’s shirt, and before the blond can process what’s happening, he’s being pulled down and his lips meet Tony’s.

A swell of emotions run through Steve, bringing back memories of when they were still together. A better time before they fought, before Thanos. A happier time.

But he knows something is up. As much as he hates it, he pushes Tony back slightly. “What are you-”

Tony doesn’t let him finish. “Don’t say anything, just-” He’s pulled back in for another kiss, and this time, he doesn’t hesitate.

As the door closes behind them, Steve holds onto Tony’s waist, walking them backwards. Tony’s hands are at his head, running through the still damp hair. Tony rubs up against him, and Steve realizes that he’s hard. Unconsciously, Steve’s hands grip harder and he grinds their hips together.

The moan that escapes Tony’s mouth travels straight from Steve’s ear to his dick, because it might have been years since he’s last heard it, but fuck if it isn’t the hottest thing. He’s so lost in the sound that he doesn’t even realize when Tony pushes a hand into his track pants until it wraps around his hardening cock.

He gasps out Tony’s name, but the other man doesn’t stop. Instead, Tony pulls Steve’s cock out of his pants and starts stroking. God, how Steve has missed this. And at least now, he knows how far Tony wants to take this.

But something nags at the back of his head. Despite having most of his blood rushing south, a part of Steve knows something’s wrong, that Tony has something to say, but he can’t find the will to pull away and ask, his body is running on autopilot as Tony touches him.

He’s shaken out of his thoughts as Tony moves his hand away. He can’t even mourn the loss of contact when Tony pushes him onto the bed. He pushes himself upright, resting on his elbows, just in time to see Tony rid himself of his pants and briefs.

The older man climbs onto the bed, over Steve. As the blond watches, he notices that Tony is avoiding eye contact. In the time they’ve been together, Steve’s learnt that this is a red flag, but before he can do anything, Tony positions himself over Steve’s cock, and guides it in.

It has to hurt, if the grimace on Tony’s face is anything to go by. And as amazing as the feeling is, it hurts for Steve too, Tony being way too tight for either of them to find pleasure. Steve can feel the slickness of lube and knows that Tony had prepped himself, but it’s not enough when it’s this sudden. Tony tries to move but the pain is too much. That’s when Steve sees the tear that rolls down his cheek.

“Tony, stop.” Steve’s hands immediately go to hold Tony sides, to hold him still. He helps Tony off, pulling slowly to avoid causing any more pain.

He shifts himself into a sitting position. Tony does the same, and looking away, says, “I’m sorry.”

Steve’s heart breaks for the second time that day. Tony sounds completely… broken. He reaches a hand forwards, cupping the side of Tony’s face, turning it towards him. Another tear falls from the corner of Tony’s eye. He still doesn’t want to look at him.

“No,” Steve says softly, thumb moving across Tony’s cheek to wipe away the tears. “You have nothing to be sorry about.”

Seeing Tony like this, seeing him so broken, Steve just wants to hold him until all the broken pieces are forced back together again. But he knows Tony hates that, to be treated like a fragile toy, to be pitied. So as much as Tony may need it, Steve waits, letting him make the first move.

Silence hangs in the air between them, heavy with so many things unsaid. Steve wants these things to be said, so he says, “Tony, talk to me. Please.” He hates how desperate he sounds, but he is. It’s been two years since they’ve talked properly, even more since they had a proper conversation that wasn’t an argument. He doesn’t even care that Tony still hasn’t looked at him. He just wants him to say something.

A minute later, and Tony finally does. “He died in my arms, Steve. He could feel it happening. He was scared. He didn’t want to die. He even said he was sorry. And I couldn’t do anything. I just watched him die.”

It doesn’t take long for Steve to realize that he’s talking about that young kid. Peter. He knows how much that boy means to Tony. To him, it was a second chance to be a better person. To make up for past wrongs.

He knows that losing him is like losing a child.

Tony continues, voice wavering as he tries to hold back tears. “I should have never let him stay. I should have just forced him to go back home. Override the system of his suit or something.” He rubs his left hand, trying to rub away the dust that isn’t there anymore.

Steve reaches for that hand, feels it shaking. “Even if you did, if Thanos still snapped his fingers, he still could have disappeared. You wouldn’t have known.”

Tony releases a shaky breath. “I know, but if he was back home, then I wouldn’t have to…”

 _Then I wouldn’t have to watch him die_.

Steve isn’t sure what to say next. “It’s okay” obviously won’t work. Hell, even he would punch himself for saying that. “We’ll get him back” just sounds like an empty promise.

“I watched Bucky die,” he decides to say. He knows it’s a risky move, talking about another death, especially with Tony’s strong resentment towards that man, but he goes with it anyway. “He was one of the first to go. He was scared too. He called out to me. I didn’t even know what was happening until he was just dust on the ground.”

“I can’t stop thinking about what I could have done to save him. To save any of the others. But we did all that we could. Thanos was too strong. We were never able to beat him.” He wraps his hand around Tony’s. “All we can do now is to stop blaming ourselves and find a way to win this war.”

Tony doesn’t respond, and for a horrible moment, Steve wonders if he’s said the wrong thing, afraid that he’s just ruined whatever frail connection they’ve just made.

“I should have just called you,” Tony says as he finally looks up, and any fear that Steve has is washed away by the sight of those brown eyes. “Maybe if I did, things would have turned out differently.”

“Why didn’t you?” Steve is sure he already knows the answer, but he wants to hear it.

“Bruce told me to call, but I hesitated because…” Tony shuts his eyes, trying to suppress the bad memories. “Because of what happened.”

Steve will always hate himself for how the whole thing with the Accords went, how the team fell apart, how he had to fight his own friends. Worse of all, he hated how he treated Tony. It was a horrible fight that left both sides and both men broken. In the end, what good did it do anyway? Nothing, and Steve regrets every moment of it.

Seeing how much it has affected their relationship, Steve feels that they need to talk about it. But he knows that’s a conversation for another time. So for now, he says, “Well, at least you had the phone with you. Bruce couldn’t have called otherwise.”

“I always have it with me. Keep it charged too.” Then, Tony looks away as he says. “I read your messages. I don’t reply them, but… I do read them.”

Steve can’t help but smile a little at that. “It’s okay. I’m just glad you didn’t get rid of the phone.”

“I did think about it,” Tony says, sounding a little embarrassed. “But I couldn’t.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s the last thing I have from you.” That pained smile returns to his face. “And I was hoping that maybe one day, I could call. And you’d be there. When I needed you”

When, not if.

Steve’s only ever seen this vulnerable side of Tony, this part of him that he never reveals to anyone else, when they’re alone. Steve was the only one Tony could trust with all of that, and he betrayed him. And now, for two years, he’s suppressed it so much that when they’re finally reunited, it threatens to spill over in a huge mess of emotions.

Steve wants to say he’s sorry, but that’s the last thing either of them need. Instead, he lifts his hand to the side of Tony’s face and brings their lips together.

It starts off soft and simple, but then Tony crosses his arms around Steve’s neck, pulling him closer until he’s sitting in the blond’s lap. The kiss deepens, but now, neither of them are in a rush for this to go anywhere.

Steve can’t stop kissing him. Even if he needs to take a breath he only breaks away for a quick second before returning to Tony’s lips. Even as he lowers Tony onto the bed, careful not to touch his wound, they never move apart, Tony’s hands back in his hair, one of his own running down the side of the man below him, using the other to hold himself above.

Tony reaches down, holding both of their hardening dicks in one hand. He starts stroking them together, and Steve almost curses at the sudden contact. Resting his forehead against Tony, he loses himself in the smooth glide between skin, grunting when Tony moves a thumb over the head of his leaking cock.

“-room,” Tony breathes out, Steve so lost in the feeling that he only catches the end. “There’s lube in the bathroom.”

Steve doesn’t wait. With one more kiss to Tony’s temple, he gets up and heads to the bathroom. He searches for it, finds it in one of the side cabinets. When he gets back, he finds Tony completely naked, the rest of his clothes in a pile on the floor at the side of his bed. He has one hand on his chest, the other on his own cock, slowly stroking himself.

This image is immediately and permanently burned into Steve’s memory.

Steve tosses the bottle of lube onto the bed. But he is in no rush. Tony is finally back after two years. He doesn’t know if what they’re about to do is going to be one-time thing or not. If it is, he has no intention of letting it end that quickly.

Knowing that Tony is watching, he pulls his shirt over his head, letting it join Tony’s clothes on the floor. (Maybe he even flexes a little, just to show off.) He pushes his pants the rest of the way off, kicks it away. He strokes himself, relieving some of the tension, all the while looking straight at Tony, watching as the older man bites his lower lip to suppress a moan.

Steve gets back onto the bed, holding himself over Tony once again. He pulls Tony’s hand away, laces their fingers together. Steve kisses him on the lips, on the jaw, along his neck, slowly making his way down Tony’s body. It may have been years, but Steve remembers Tony’s body. All his sensitive places, places that leave the man a whimpering mess.

He kisses Tony’s sternum, the scar where the arc reactor used to be. Steve recalls the first time they had sex after the surgery, Tony trying his best to hide the scar and make Steve ignore it. Tony had told him it’s a reminder of what had happened to him, of his terrible past. But Steve doesn’t see it as anything bad. He sees a miracle, because without the arc reactor, Tony would have died. Yes, it may have almost killed him, but it gave him life too. It’s because of the arc reactor that Tony has survived, and it is because of it that Steve could meet him. They may have gotten off on the wrong foot, but Steve can’t imagine what it would be like if Tony hadn’t entered his life.

 _Beautiful_ , Steve thinks, kissing along the edges of the long scar. He can feel Tony watching him. He knows Tony always feel shy and awkward when Steve does this, but he does it anyway, because he wants him to realize that having that scar doesn’t make him anymore or any less flawed.

By the time he reaches the hips, Tony is a quivering mess, moaning at the slightest touch. Still, Steve takes his time, savouring the feeling of having Tony below him, open and receptive to anything. He kisses along Tony’s hip bones, now more prominent that he remembers, as he pushes the man’s legs apart. Avoiding his dick, Steve continues pressing open-mouthed kisses along Tony’s inner thighs, the latter now squirming at the friction between the former’s beard and the sensitive skin.

Steve doesn’t stop until he hears Tony say his name. He pulls away and he looks, sees how Tony is red with a full-bodied flush, cock leaking pre-cum onto his stomach.

“Steve.” Tony breathes his name out, almost a whisper.

In that moment, Steve finally understands how far gone he is for this man. When people started turning to dust, there was nothing that could describe how scared he was when he thought about Tony, how immense the guilt and regret was that filled him. Then he saw Tony alive, and he almost died from relief. Tony was still here, alive in his arms. He almost couldn’t believe it. Even now, with Tony naked and hard under him, he still thinks he’s dreaming.

Paranoia starts tickling the back of his thoughts. What if this is all a dream? Or maybe it’s hallucinations, brought on by the trauma of the deaths?

 _Even if I am going crazy_ , Steve thinks, _I am never letting go again_.

He surges forward, capturing Tony’s lips in another searing kiss. This time, when he pulls away, the words come out before he can even process them.

“I love you.”

Tony stills beneath him. “What?”

It’s not the first time Steve has said it, and Tony’s reaction, like now, has always been one of disbelief and uncertainty. Ever since the Accords, Steve’s greatest fear has been that Tony hates him. He told himself that he would be fine if they were never together again, but if Tony was so angry to the point where they couldn’t even be in the same room or hold a normal conversation without fighting, he would be devastated.

But none of that has happened. No fighting, no arguments. They’re about to have sex, and while Steve knows that it’s probably not the right time for those three words, he can’t help it. It may have been two years since he’s said it, but Steve’s feelings for this man are just as strong as they were, maybe even stronger.

He says it again, this time looking straight into Tony’s eyes. “I love you.”

He doesn’t say anything in response. Not that Steve expected otherwise. He knows why it’s difficult for him to say it back, especially after everything that’s happened. It’s enough that he’s said it, and that Tony hears it.

This time, Tony’s the one to pull him into a kiss, and Steve can feel all the emotions behind it. He knows that it’s his way of reciprocating and for now, it’s enough.

Tony’s hips jerk upwards, causing both men to break the kiss at the friction. Taking it as a sign things to move on, Steve reaches for the lube, coating his finger with a generous amount. He teases, rubbing two fingers around Tony’s hole before pushing them in, all the way to the second knuckle.

It’s a smooth glide in, seeing how Tony prepped himself before, but it’s still too tight. So, Steve spreads his fingers, opening the older man up for what’s to come later. Slowly, Steve works in a third finger. It’s been two years since they last did this, but Steve remembers, bending his fingers at just the right spot.

The long moan that Tony lets out is encouragement enough, and Steve keeps going, taking his time to open Tony up, brushing his prostate every now and then. God, the sounds that Tony makes. Steve doesn’t know how he’s survived two years without this man.

Minutes later, Steve finally withdraws his fingers. Tony sighs at the loss, and Steve’s hand is back on his thigh, rubbing soothing circles as he uses his other hand to lube himself up. He positions himself, and with a deep breath, pushes into Tony, not stopping until he’s buried all the way to the hilt.

Tony has his head thrown back the entire time, shaking as Steve enters him. Steve can barely hold himself either, Tony so unbelievably warm and tight. He gives Tony a moment to get used to the feeling, and when he looks back to nod, Steve starts moving.

Each thrust is agonizingly slow, leaving Tony breathless at the feeling of Steve’s thick cock moving in and out of him. Steve goes harder and deeper, and Tony’s moans let him know when he hits that sweet spot. He changes his angle, and now with every push back in, he soaks up the delicious sounds that escape Tony’s lips.

He feels Tony’s hand touch his, and he looks into those brilliant brown eyes as they call to him. It’s almost like he can sense what Tony’s asking for. He leans back down, forcing Tony’s body to bend with him. Just like his thrusts, he kisses Tony slow and deep.

When he pulls back, he can’t help but stare at the man below him. Hair a mess, strands sticking to the beads of sweat on his forehead. Lips red and puffed up from the all the kissing, especially with the friction from the beard. Eyes dark with lust and pure need.

Tony has never looked more irresistible.

There’s something else there too. Something, a look, that Steve can’t place when he first notices it. It seems to stick out, but he finally understands what it is. It’s everything that Steve has been saying, something that Tony can’t express.

“I love you,” Steve says it again, and watches as that expression takes over Tony’s face, as Tony clenches around him. Steve knows he’s right.

So, he keeps repeating it, punctuating every repetition with a hard thrust. Every time he repeats it, he too uses it to say something else.

“I love you,” he says, lips against Tony’s jaw. _I’m sorry._

“I love you,” he says, pressing kisses down Tony’s neck. _I’m sorry for everything I’ve done._

“I love you,” he says, whispered into the hollow of Tony’s neck. _I will always be there for you._

“I love you,” he says, breathed out against Tony’s collarbone. _I need you too._

“I love you,” he says, over where the arc reactor used to be. _I love you._

When Steve looks up, he sees tears forming in Tony’s eyes.

He knows that Tony is close. He feels it. He speeds up, driving into Tony fast and hard. He doesn’t let up until the older man cries out his name, the only warning before he comes.

Steve follows soon afterward, coming with a groan inside Tony. He knows it’ll be a pain to clean up, but he doesn’t care. It’s worth it.

Coming down from his high, he feels Tony’s hand against his face, brushing the hair out from his eyes. He reaches up to hold that hand, turning to press a kiss to the palm. And finally, Tony smiles at him. A small, but genuine, smile.

Steve can’t help but smile back.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He looks at me with eyes filled with wonder and love
> 
> Then I begin to think:
> 
> Does one really need words just to say how much you love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, sorry for taking so long to update this! I was on vacation with my family in Canada, so I couldn't really edit this with them around. But anyway, here's the final chapter! I think it might be a little cheesy and cliche, but hey, don't these two deserve it after everything?
> 
> For everyone who's commented, bookmarked or left kudos, you are just the best. Much love! Thank you for taking the time to read an obsessed fangirl's fic about how she wants these two idiots to reunite. Hope you enjoy! Again, all comments will be greatly appreciated!
> 
> P.S. Extra brownie points for anyone who spots the Hunger Games reference I threw in! 
> 
> Un-beta'd so all mistakes are my own!

Tony wakes up to an unfamiliar room and an unfamiliar bed.

He looks out the window and sees that it’s still dark.

Then he notices that his pillow is moving.

He glances up to Steve, who is sound asleep, snoring softly. He’s lying on Steve’s chest, with Steve’s arm wrapped around his waist.

He knows he can’t sleep anymore, but before he gets out of bed, he decides to take a moment to look at the blond.

Being careful not to wake him, Tony runs a hand through Steve’s hair. It’s a lot softer than he remembers, darker too. He brushes his hand along Steve’s new beard. He never even knew the man could grow a beard, not to mention look so good with one. From this angle, he realizes how long Steve’s eyelashes are.

He looks much younger when he’s asleep, Tony notices. More peaceful too. He wonders if he looks like that when he’s asleep too.

Slowly, he shifts Steve’s arm away and crawls out of bed. He grabs his clothes and heads to the bathroom to wash up. His body aches, especially his back, and when he puts his clothes back on, he tries to ignore the itchiness from what he assumes to be beard burn along his thighs.

He leaves the bathroom to find Steve still dead asleep, having moved not even an inch after Tony left. He must be exhausted from the battle. Tony is too, the weariness still deep in his bones. He wishes he could sleep, but he knows he can’t. He’s too restless, the gears in his head already starting up for the day. So, he leaves of the room.

He doesn’t know where he wants to go, only that he needs to move. He doesn’t even know where anything is. He’s sure someone must have told him the layout and given him directions when they were bringing him to the meeting, but he heard none of it.

He’s not sure what time it is, but the palace is silent, the only sound coming from his own shoes on the tiles. He’s not sure if it’s supposed to be this quiet, or it’s because half the population have been wiped out.

He wanders. He turns a few corners, goes through doors that aren’t locked, climbs up a couple of flights of stairs. Right when he’s starting to think that he’s lost, he opens a door to discover that he’s on a small rooftop garden.

There’s nothing much, just a few potted flowers, a table and a bench but the view is what really gets him to stay. Even in the low light, he can tell that it’s overlooking a good part of the city, maybe even some hills in the distance. He plants himself on the bench, waiting in the chilly morning air.

He doesn’t know how long he sits there for, but soon enough, the sun starts to rise. The dark blues of the night begin mixing with the brilliant yellows of the morning sky, and light begins to fall onto the city.

Travelling into Wakanda, Tony was so focused on getting here that he didn’t have the energy to appreciate the scenery. Now, he finally sees the country in all its glory. He can’t believe something could be this beautiful, the city bursting into view as the sun continues to rise, to shine its warm light. The hills come to life too, so far away but still so majestic. It all looks so peaceful and serene.

Tony can’t help but feel so small, so insignificant. Thousands of deaths just occurred in this country alone, but it seems like nothing has happened. Nature doesn’t mourn, it just carries on.

As the sun continues to rise, Tony hears footsteps behind him. He doesn’t need to turn around to know who it is.

“How’d you find me?” Tony asks, eyes never leaving the view.

“I just did,” comes the reply. He sits down, and Tony sees that he’s wearing [a blue henley and black pants](https://br.pinterest.com/pin/728316570961456095/). He looks so… normal.

“I got this for you,” Steve says, passing him a sandwich. “I wasn’t sure if you were hungry, but I was getting one for myself and I thought you might want one.”

“Thanks.” Tony takes it and finds that it’s still warm.

They eat in silence as they watch the sunrise, the golden orb leaving the horizon. It’s a comfortable silence, a reminder of the better times. Tony recalls the moments they’ve spent like this, sitting together with no words exchanged, just enjoying each other’s presence.

It is in this silence that Tony is able to think, that he is able to feel. And with his aching body, he can only think about what happened last night. The things they did, the words that were exchanged.

He had no idea that things would turn out the way they did. He had expected a quick fuck, sex that would take his mind away from the pain. He just wanted to feel something, and Steve made him feel everything.

When they first kissed, it was like a fire ignited within Tony, and he wanted nothing more than to touch Steve, to have Steve touch him, to feel Steve inside him, to be fucked senseless.

But then they started talking, and it was then that Tony realized just how much he’s missed Steve. Because as angry and hurt he still is over the whole Accords thing, he still cares. And as much as he tries to convince himself, he has never stopped caring, and he knows that Steve hasn’t either.

Then Steve said those three words.

Steve has said it several times before, and Tony himself has said it back, but this time is different. It’s been two years, and for Steve to say it after everything that’s happened, after everything they’ve just been through… Tony has no idea what to feel.

Tony wants to believe that Steve just said it in the moment, that his emotions were running high. But he kept repeating it, over and over, and Tony knows that it’s the truth.

He knows that Steve still loves him even when he’s so broken and damaged.

But then he remembers how Steve held him, touched him, kissed him. How he looked at him. Even now, he glances at Steve, sees how his eyes are trained on the view in front of them, notices the pain and grief behind all that bravery and strength.

For the first time, Tony realizes that Steve’s broken and damaged too. Maybe not as badly as Tony, but he’s suffered enough.

And Tony still loves him all the same.

And if these two lost souls, broken after having stayed strong for so long, can still find it in them to love another who is just as damaged as they are, then what is so undeserving about that?

Tony speaks up just as Steve says something too. Both stop, and Tony hates how awkward things are between them now.

“You first,” he says, still unsure of what he actually wants to tell Steve.

Steve nods, and without looking at Tony, says, “We’ll get them back.”

It’s not what Tony expected, and he’s surprised by how sure Steve sounds. “How do you know?”

“I don't,” Steve says in response, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “But that doesn’t mean we can’t try.”

He turns, and for a second, Tony is floored by how bright the blue eyes directed at him are. He almost doesn’t hear Steve when he says, “I know you’re going to do whatever it takes to get them back. And you’re not going to stop until you do.”

It really doesn’t surprise Tony anymore, how Steve knows him better than himself. He doesn’t even know how to respond because it’s the truth. As much as he wants to, he can’t just give up. How can he when he’s partially responsible for half the world turning to dust, when he has the capacity to actually do something about it?

“Neither am I,” Steve continues, shaking Tony out of his thoughts. “I’m going to be right there with you.”

Steve reaches for his hand. “You’re not alone in this, Tony. You have the others. You have me.”

Tony finds comfort in that, because even with so many gone, by some miracle, he’s still here. Steve is still here. The rest of the original Avengers team are still here. And as long as they’re still here, they’re going to do everything in their power to make things right.

_Because if we can’t protect the Earth, you can be damned well sure we’ll avenge it._

Steve is waiting for Tony’s response, but he can’t think of anything. He can’t find the right words to tell him how tired, how grateful, how scared he is. All he can focus on is Steve’s hand that is wrapped around his, how large and warm it is, how much rougher it’s become, how it touched him all over last night, how his fingers were inside of him, bent at just the right angle-

Tony gives himself a mental slap. This is not what he should be thinking of right now but seeing as he can trust neither his words nor his thoughts, he decides to use his actions. Shifting a little closer to Steve, he rests his head on the blond’s shoulder.

He can’t see Steve’s face, but he knows that he is smiling. He can feel it. And as much as he wants to see his smile, he doesn’t want to ruin the moment. He stays there, feels as Steve turns back to face the sunrise and laces their fingers together.

It’s an indescribable feeling. Tony never even thought he would get to see Steve again, not to mention watch a sunrise together. If someone told Tony that this is all a dream, he would almost believe it. But the ache of his back, the solid shoulder under his head, the warmth seeping into his palm, they let him know that this is reality. For that, he is grateful.

It’s a beautiful feeling, and Tony wishes he could freeze this moment, right here, right now, and live in it forever.

Tony doesn’t know how much time has passed when Steve speaks up again. “What was it that you wanted to say earlier?”

If Tony is being honest, he doesn’t remember. Steve has this ability to make him lose his train of thought. But he’s always been able to think quickly.

He sits back upright, looks at Steve and says, “I just wanted to know if you could catch me up on what you guys talked about at the meeting.” Tony feels bad about having been so out of it yesterday. If he’s going to make things right, he's going to have to work harder.

“Of course,” Steve says, and finally, they talk.

Not about deep or emotional stuff - they both know it’s not the right place or time for it yet - but they talk. About the team. About what’s happened the last two years. Tony even mentions Peter, and as painful as it, remembering that kid’s enthusiasm and passion drives Tony’s determination to get him back even further.

They’re talking, and Tony feels like it’s as if nothing has changed between them.

“Why didn’t you get a new suit?” Tony brings up this question after Steve wonders about the new arc reactor. He gestures out to the city as he says, “It’s not like they couldn’t make you a new one. With their technology, it would have been amazing.”

“I know, but I didn’t need one. The old suit still works perfectly fine.” Steve’s smile softens as he says, “Besides, it’s the last thing I have from you.”

Hearing those words brings Tony back to last night again. He remembers saying those words. He remembers the kiss after, the words that were said after.

_I love you._

He remembers watching as Steve repeated it, seeing and hearing nothing but genuine love from that man. It wasn’t something blurted out in the heat of the moment, but it came from a place of genuine fondness.

He looks at the man now, who is looking earnestly back at him, and can’t believe just how much love he feels.

Even after everything, as much as Tony wants to hate Steve, as much as he wants to stay angry at him, he finds that he can’t. Because even after everything, Tony loves him.

Despite what he’s always told himself, he has never really stopped loving him.

Looking at Steve, Tony wonders why Fate is so nice to him all of a sudden. After everything that Fate has decided for him so far, why does Fate suddenly decide to let Steve live, to let them reunite, to let them have a chance to reconnect?

Why has Fate decided to bring Steve back to him?

 _Maybe Fate’s finally giving me a break_ , Tony thinks, slightly optimistic for a second before the truth dawns on him.

Bringing the others back is not going to be an easy task and doing so will require a huge sacrifice. If he knows Fate, it will end up being either him or Steve making this sacrifice. If they’re both willing to do whatever it takes, which includes risking their lives, it is almost certain that one of them will die.

Fate has brought them back together only to tear them apart.

“Tony?” Steve asks, and Tony realizes that the fear must show on his face. The blond’s eyebrows are furrowed, worry clouding his expression. Tony wonders if he should tell him what he’s thinking, but he knows that deep down, Steve realizes it too. Instead, Tony leans forward and presses his lips to Steve’s.

It’s just a kiss, nothing more, nothing less, but when Tony pulls away, he feels as though there’s a weight on his chest. “I…” he starts, but he finds that he can’t complete the sentence.

He can’t say, “I love you.”

Not because he doesn’t love Steve, he does, but because those three words aren’t enough to convey everything that he wants to say.

They aren’t enough to say “I’ve missed you.”

They aren’t enough to say “You have no idea how happy I am that you’re alive.”

They aren’t enough to say “You’ve finally come back to me.”

They aren’t enough to say “Don’t you dare leave again.”

They aren’t enough to say “I love you so much that it scares me.”

Steve rests his forehead against Tony’s, and all he says is, “I know.”

Tony looks into those blue eyes and sees everything. Concern. Understanding. Devotion. Reverence. Warmth.

He looks into those blue eyes and sees them filled with wonder and love, all of it directed at him, and realizes that he doesn’t need words to tell Steve everything.

He doesn’t need words to show Steve that he loves him.

Lifting both his hands, Tony holds the sides of Steve’s face and pulls him in for a kiss, only this time, he lets it deepen. Tony takes his time to savour the feeling, because if their days together are numbered, he’s going to enjoy every last second of it, Fate be damned.

Tony hates how tense everything is becoming, so when they move apart, he says, “Would you shave the beard if I asked you to?” Because as good as Steve looks with a beard, Tony does miss his clean-shaven look.

Steve laughs, and Tony melts a little on the inside at how it sounds, how good it feels to hear something so pure and genuine after everything. The blond presses a kiss to the spot in between Tony’s eyebrows, and smiling brightly, says, “Anything you want, Tony.”

Tony can’t help but kiss Steve again, because they’re finally together again, and that was all Tony wanted.

_How do we cope with something like that?_

_Together._

_We’ll lose._

_We’ll do that together too._

Half the universe has disappeared, but Tony and Steve are still here.

They’re still alive, and now they’re together again.

Tony doesn’t know what’s going to happen from this point on, or how he’s going to get the others back. One thing he does know, is that he’s not alone.

He has Bruce, Thor, Nat, Rhodey, Clint.

He has Steve.

And it’s like the old man said. Whatever happens, they’ll do it together.


End file.
